I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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