i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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