But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
