garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
