You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
