We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
