I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
