Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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