my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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