Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
