I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
