Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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