In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
