Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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