...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
