So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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