i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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