She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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