i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
