There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
