I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
