apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
