Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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