9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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