Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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