If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
