What did we do last night that was yellow?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
