What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
