My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
