My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm too high and old for this...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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