I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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