Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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