Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
