look no pants
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
