the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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