watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
