We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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