you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
