you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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