remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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