Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
