i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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