When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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