I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
