Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
