He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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