biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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