booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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