Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
