his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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