ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
where am i from again
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
