I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
