9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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